DJ & the Remix

An Extraordinary Saturday: First Look

2009-11-22T19:55:00.000-06:00

An Extraordinary Saturday: Pull Harder, Mom

2009-11-19T20:17:00.000-06:00

Great, we have bulletproof hair. But did the dress zip?

An Extraordinary Saturday: Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

2009-11-16T19:15:00.000-06:00

Moving on to the actual wedding day, my hair makes me look like a Flock of Seagulls roadie and the barn decorating crew discovers that the chair covers are missing.

(Posting forwarding links is really just for my amusement at this point, right?)

An Extraordinary Saturday: Rain and a Rickrolled Rehearsal

2009-11-12T08:07:00.000-06:00

The recaps continue over there wtih rain and a rickrolled rehearsal.

An Extraordinary Saturday: DIY Florals

2009-11-10T21:33:00.000-06:00

I hate to do this, but it's too labor-intensive to post recaps both here and there. There was easier for me... so I hope you don't mind too much clicking over for the first installment of recaps, a dry and fact-filled tale of DIY floral arranging.

coming soon!

2009-11-05T18:54:00.000-06:00

Today the mail brought me these! Beautifully packaged sets of discs from Bow Tie Photography. You know what that means... recaps!

This is going to be fun. Anything in particular you want to know about?

Ordinary Saturdays

2009-10-15T14:34:00.000-05:00

Blogfriends, it's time. The eventual wedding is over. Time to move on. Within a few weeks I will have pictures to illustrate my wedding stories, which may be where I leave some of you. For the few of you interested in life after wedding, it starts with a wedding-day story.

I mentioned before that DJ and I wrote letters to each other, to be kept secret and read at the ceremony by friends of ours. Our officiant kept his homily a surprise as well. We, along with many well-wishing cards, referenced the same idea. We all fixed on the same thought, a theme that came first from DJ's proposal. Ring in hand, he said that loved our ordinary Saturdays, and asked me to spend mine with him.

So, of course. Ordinary Saturdays. The next chapter in my bad-neighboring, bacon-eating, project-starting, fun-running, recipe-ignoring life. See you there?

gifts for the ladies

2009-10-11T15:22:00.004-05:00

The wedding is over and the gifts have been given, now I can talk about them! Deciding on gifts for the bridesmaids was both fun and nervewracking. I was afraid the gifts would seem self-serving, since they were very wedding-related. DJ kept telling me it would be fine, but I kept worrying about it.
Each girl got a hatbox, tied with satin ribbon. Inside the hatbox was a pair of earrings, a monogrammed pocket mirror, and a clutch purse lined in green silk. The clutches were handmade by me; which could be sweet or not, depending on how you see it.
Fortunately they all liked their gifts - at least enough to wear the earrings and carry the clutches for the wedding.

For the purses, I used this tutorial and purse frames from Etsy. The most difficult parts were testing the pattern (twice! use cheap fabric first!) and gluing the fabric to the frame (buy at least one extra frame and don't rush yourself.)

My mom's gift was sentimental. She had inherited a pearl ring from her mother (my Grandma Julia), which she loved and wore frequently. Several years ago it went missing when she moved, and since then she's said many times how sad she was to have lost it.

The potential cuteness of replacing it was irresistible - recovering something you thought you'd lost for good - so I went antiquing, and hunted down a very similar ring of the same era. It came to me boxless, so I threaded it on a ribbon in a small box full of moss, along with a note explaining the lost and found idea. My mom loved it, and it's even the right size. Perfect.

How did you choose gifts for your bridesmaids? Were you nervous about it?

the honeymoon is over

2009-10-07T18:22:00.000-05:00

After the wedding, DJ and I dropped our dog at his parents' house and drove to Michigan.
We napped. We watched movies. We ate pie from a farmstand. We screwed up the zoom on the camera. I went for one single pathetic three mile run up and down the main road past our B&B.
We went antiquing. I bought a silverplate champagne bucket. DJ held tiny things in his enormous hands to make me laugh.

We spent an afternoon in St. Joseph, and killed an hour reading over hot chocolate.

We had dinner at an Italian restaurant that was a resort in the 1930's, now tucked quietly in a residential neighborhood along the lakeshore. It was delicious.

We also went wine tasting. I didn't know that Michigan had vineyards, but it does. Trivia: it's on the same latitude as Washington State, and roughly the same as the south of France. Different soil and weather, of course - but lots of grapes.

DJ's aunt and uncle gave us a stellar wedding gift. They arranged for our B&B to pack a picnic basket (with wine!) and deliver gift certificates to three nearby wineries.

This aunt and uncle actually got married at Round Barn several years ago. They no longer host weddings, but they have excellent wine, and recently also vodka and beer. (Try the cocoa stout. Trust me.)

On our last day we had an amazing lunch at Tabor Hill's restaurant.

We ordered polenta fries with truffled aioli, and a lobster-scallop "cigar" with a sweet/spicy dipping sauce. Those were just the appetizers, then we had lunch!

We finally figured out the camera zoom.

So now we're newlyweds. Newlyweds with two cases of Michigan wine in the guest bedroom. That ought to get us through the first few ~~days~~ ~~weeks~~ months.

kitchen logic

2009-10-03T19:38:00.003-05:00

If you want to make buttermilk ice cream, you will have a dozen leftover egg whites. So then you'll decide to make angel food cake, which is oversold as a fat-free dessert. Of course you will start thinking that cake would be delicious with buttermilk ice cream.

Also, you might not own a tube pan (nor really want a tube pan) and decide it might be fine to try a silicone bundt pan instead. Inadvisable. We may be having angel food french toast for breakfast tomorrow.

worth it

2009-10-02T20:50:00.005-05:00

Over 21 months of planning, I don't know how many married women told me that they should have eloped. Too much trouble, didn't turn out like they wanted, etc. It makes you wonder if the wedding is really worth it.

Sure, if DJ and I had eloped we would be just as married as we are now. (whee!) But if you're in the throes of catering decisions and floral insecurities, know that the party may be worth it. Really worth it.

(photo from a guest with my camera)

Here I am, dancing with Kid A. My older-younger brother. He is not always well enough to dance, and that night he was all over the dance floor. In all of the problems and trials of life, there we are - dancing badly, kids shaking off joyful energy. So, it's worth it. It might be. I hope it is for you, it was for me.

yes I said yes I will Yes

2009-09-28T00:07:00.004-05:00

We're married! (To each other, as DJ likes to clarify.) It was absolutely wonderful, I wouldn't change a thing.

(Snapshot from my camera, probably taken by a bridesmaid.)

DIY flowers: I did it!

2009-09-25T08:10:00.004-05:00

At 9:30 in the morning the FedEx guy wished me a happy marriage. He left three boxes; two deceptively narrow, one the size of a small coffin.

Thirteen hours later...
(There are a few more pieces, including one big mama of a bouquet for me.) I'll tell you all about it in a week or so. I'm off to get married! I have had such a good time at EAD, getting advice about veils and family struggles and enjoying all of your ideas. After 21 months of I have an idea and I think I could make that, it's all happening!

Although, at the moment I am most excited about handing my bouquet to Katie so I can hold DJ's hands. Walking back down the aisle together. Sneaking glances at his hand with a ring on it. Doing the stand-and-sway to a sappy song. Celebrating a life ten years in the making, and worth every minute.

words of love

2009-09-22T08:13:00.000-05:00

During our ceremony, two of our friends (a happily married couple) will read letters that DJ and I have written to/about each other. She will read what I wrote, he will read what DJ wrote. We are not sharing our letters with each other before the ceremony, so it might be a very nice and genuine moment.

But then we had this discussion over e-mail.

Me: I’m excited to hear what you wrote. Unless you are going to have {friend} get up there and yell WHO FANCY NOW! Because that would be stealing my idea.
DJ: You can have “Who fancy now.” {Friend} is going to holler “Who gonna check me, boo?” and do the head shake thing that goes with it.

We are a very romantic couple.

trial run

2009-09-21T06:46:00.001-05:00

There was another bride at the salon on Saturday, with her mom and bridesmaids. They were sipping mimosas and enjoying bagels with the stylists, taking turns having their hair done. The bride had a pretty veil and really cute short hair, super shiny and full of volume. There she is in the corner behind me - bride and bride-in-training.
I really liked how my hair turned out for the test run. But it didn't stay "up" very well, partly because I have a ton of unruly hair, partly because it had been messed with too much, and partly because it needed better pins. Those pins shaped like a U never work for me - do they for anyone? I need the grippy ones you have to pry open, and an entire can of hairspray.

Your Colors are PINK and PINK

2009-09-20T14:51:00.004-05:00

Here's the last of the difficult questions. Hairstyle chosen, menu approved, timeline set, song list delivered. But what color will I paint my fingernails?

Dear Future Julia,

Please stop buying neutral nail polishes. You have too many, and you are not very good with minor decisions.

xoxo,

Julia

yes, we have no bananas

2009-09-19T07:05:00.004-05:00

This morning I was wide awake at 5:30. Like a kid on Christmas. I must be excited about today - hair trial (still seems funny to have a test run for hair), last dress fitting, and tonight is my bachelorette party!

I was dressed and ready to go by 6:15, with two hours to kill before leaving. So I cleaned the kitchen, top to bottom, and I have my eye on dusting the living room next. I could really use some of this productivity in my everyday life.

There was a minor hitch in the plan this week, when I found out that the garden roses I ordered from Fifty Flowers aren't available this week. The same thing happened to Abbie, I believe - probably the same roses, too. Flowers are always iffy, so I wasn't really surprised. They offered me my pick of the other flowers, and when I couldn't decide between two varieties, they split my order into half of each kind. Which was nice of them.

I care less about the substitution than how difficult it was to get an answer - it took about two hours on hold, four separate calls, two e-mails, and over 24 hours to find out whether my second choices were available. Maybe not their fault, but it was frustrating. All will be forgiven if the flowers show up on time and pretty, though.

If you were the Baltic Sea and I were a cup

2009-09-14T07:30:00.003-05:00

Humor me, I'm dated. More or less intentionally.

I listened to Mike Dougherty sing Janine over and over the first summer that DJ and I were re-dating. It was 2006. I was 25. It was exactly the right sound for how I felt then, and now it takes me back. To 25 and humid lake breezes and the agonizing wait from Wednesday to Friday.

We hadn't yet told our families, but Katie and Chloe had already heard quite a bit and thought it was promising. I thought so too.

The sleepless lyrics made me feel romantic about my insomniac habits (since reformed.) But the thing that really stuck, really resonated with me then, was being so besotted with someone that you couldn't get enough. In that respect, not much has changed.

for clean sheets or dirty dishes, as long as we both shall live

2009-09-13T18:32:00.004-05:00

You all had fun weekend plans, thanks for sharing. If you have fun Monday plans, I would like to know about those too - but I think most of us are less excited for Monday.

Today I ran three miles in twenty six minutes. That's pretty quick for me. But it also means that I had only twenty six minutes of exercise. So am I fast or lazy? I asked DJ, and he said fast. But I think he's biased.

Before that, yet another makeup artist tried to give me a "smoky eye." This was the best one yet, but I'm uncomfortable with it. On me, it feels like trying too hard. I don't like trying too hard (or at all.) I forgot to take a picture before my run. Now it's definitely not a good look.

I've also been writing our ceremony. It's difficult, since "Do you take this man to be your beneficiary" doesn't have the most romantic ring to it. True, though.

tradeoffs

2009-09-11T21:32:00.003-05:00

On the one hand, running 25+ miles a week goes a long way towards nice legs (and good cholesterol, and reasonable blood pressure blah blah blah).

On the other, my feet are hideous and no pedicure can really fix that.

Weekend: DJ and I are going to eat French food and see about that spun sugar cake topper. Then I have a hair appointment. Then we are going to teach Kid B how to shop for groceries, since apparently he's been living off fast food for seven months. Oh, to have the metabolism of a 21-year-old; then I wouldn't have such ugly running feet.

What are your weekend plans?

brideface

2009-09-10T13:00:00.000-05:00

Ever since I decided not to hire a makeup artist I've been paying a little extra attention to brides with great makeup.

Brideface is written by a makeup artist from Cincinnati, Ohio. She posts some gorgeous beauty shots. Lots of polished but very fresh faces, great inspiration for those of us with one elbow propped on the bathroom counter while attempting a straight run of liner.

Bloomers, Again

2009-09-09T21:39:00.002-05:00

Remember that time my mom gave me bloomers at my bridal shower? Well. There's more to that story.

If you need context, Harriet the Spy is one of my dearest imaginary friends. I've known her since the days of Diaryland, where I called myself Fairlywell. (You know, as in: How are you? I am Fairlywell.") Years and years ago we made the leap from imaginary to real friends, and now we bike together and (apparently) tell stories about each others' underwear purchases. I have no shame; this is absolutely the funniest thing that's ever happened to me.

still obsessed with puffy veils

2009-09-09T07:21:00.002-05:00

This one seen on Audrey Hepburn. I resemble Katharine more than Audrey (and still not that much), but I'll take style cues from either.

(Audrey Hepburn Library via Weddingbee)

In just a few weeks I'll be wearing my own puffy veil. I'm looking forward to so many things, every moment I think of a new one. It's so close now, I can hardly wait.

bustle me!

2009-09-08T07:54:00.002-05:00

When I told my brother (Kid A) that my dress needed a bustle, he thought we were talking about this:
Boys! Love them to pieces.

I scheduled my dress fittings as close to the wedding as possible. I like to live dangerously - but really, three weeks seemed like plenty of time.

I asked the seamstress to replicate this bustle. It looks to me like little waves lapping around the hem of her dress.

(Style Me Pretty)

I think the train on my dress must be a bit longer than hers, because I ended up with more volume. Still pretty, but different. DJ's mom came with me to the fitting, and she was super-concerned that DJ not see the dress until the big day. So if you would like a sneak peek (and are not DJ), click here.

Where the Wild Things Are {Seated}

2009-09-07T12:31:00.004-05:00

Once we had all the RSVP's in, DJ's mom helped me finish this project. She has pretty, scripty handwriting, much better than my ugly scrawl. The bronze rectangles are mini envelopes, each with a couple or guest's name written on the back. Inside each is a picture of a book cover corresponding to their table assignment. Like Memory! for adults with wine in hand.

(remember these?)

The board above is not the same as the one in my previous post. Yep, I screwed up. The other one wasn't big enough for all the cards, so I had to start over. But it all worked out for the best - the too-small board recently became part of a different project!

Right after I snapped that picture DJ helped me wrap the whole thing in plastic. Hopefully Elizabeth will appreciate at least one project with minimal setup required!

things that work

2009-09-01T21:05:00.004-05:00

As soon as I wrote about the things that were bothering me, they stopped bothering me. They haven't gone away, and probably they'll bother me again. But thanks for the free therapy!

I do have one more small problem. I've been really good about getting to the gym for a while now. My treadmill jaunts are showing the effort, too. Today I ran my four miles after work, and it was a good one. Everything felt good, I kept my pace without getting tired, no shinsplints.

Then I came home to this. DJ grilled burgers (with bacon and gouda and stone-ground mustard) and asparagus for dinner.

I have a dress fitting on Saturday, but I was helpless to the burger. I can't resist DJ's cooking. My life is sooooo hard.

more down than up

2009-08-31T21:38:00.004-05:00

Liz asked how I am feeling as the wedding comes closer. Well, Liz. To be honest, this is not the easiest week. Saturday was the deadline for RSVP cards, and there were several disappointments. Several people I have considered dear friends never replied at all. Which has made me feel a little delusional about the state of those relationships.

(I realize that I may be taking it all too seriously. Don't worry, I am not doing anything about it. Compounding awkwardness is never the answer.)

We did hear from my grandma, finally, after five weeks of waiting. My estranged father's mother. We have been close in the past, until I stopped speaking to my father - although she did come to my bridal shower. For the wedding, she checked "decline." No note. I know exactly why, and it is a sad thing. All of it.

Things are still difficult with my mom. It's sad and embarassing, and I'm spending all kinds of time trying to schedule the wedding day so the difficulties won't be apparent to everyone else. Because I don't want to feel difficult and sad on my wedding day.

I'm having a hard time reconciling those relationship woes with the happiness and excitement of having rings, a marriage license, and exactly the right person for me. That's how I'm feeling.

license, rings, ceremony

2009-08-31T08:51:00.000-05:00

On Friday DJ and I went to the Lake County courthouse to apply for our marriage license. There were two other couples ahead of us in line, one obviously pregnant. They asked how the Saturday courthouse ceremonies worked. The sheriff behind the desk replied that first everyone arrested Friday night posts bail. Then the judge is available for marriage ceremonies. There is a little bit of romance in that, I suppose.

My wedding band arrived last week, and I tried it on for fit. It's perfect. DJ's hands are so large that he's ordered his in the largest size available, and is still having it made nearly a full size larger. His great grandfather, so they say, wore a wedding ring big enough to pass a quarter through the center - although he was only five foot five. I love family lore.

We went to my boss' wedding on Saturday, under the first sunny skies all week. Between ceremony and reception we wandered Lincoln Park, where a woman offered to take our picture. Well, most of our picture. I like it anyway.

I was a good guest and a terrible wedding spy, observing more than snapping my camera. They are sweet together, and it was a good party. I meant to take pictures, but it didn't seem right at the moment and I really enjoyed just being a guest.

books and their covers

2009-08-30T20:29:00.000-05:00

DJ has been watching me do crazy things for months now. Like covering books in kraft paper. In a bit of kismet, I found this bit of validation just as I finished faux-titling my set.

(source)

Except my writing with a paint pen was a little more haphazard than these.

Julia gets help

2009-08-27T19:57:00.003-05:00

I am the girl with all of the projects. I haven't even told you about some of them yet because I was afraid. We have friends and family to help, but I wasn't sure how smoothly that would run without some serious planning from me. I've actually ranked them so that some could be jettisoned from the plan, if necessary.

A few weeks ago DJ's mom (who early on volunteered to coordinate the day) admitted that she was worried. Worried that she wouldn't be able to see the ceremony from inside the barn. Our ceremony is (knock on wood) outdoors. DJ's mom. This was not okay! Our wedding was turning into a Cindermama situation, which is a lousy way to start with the in-laws.

Fortunately I'd been talking to Elizabeth of Anticipation Events in Chicago. The first thing I knew about her was that she writes a really friendly, professional e-mail. The second thing was that her resume is impressive. I mean, really impressive. Don't take my word for it, go look. I'm sure it's true, she also gave me references. References. She's done some big stuff, my little wedding is not going to be any challenge. (Although I did send her a five page document of instructions. I was honestly surprised to hear from her after that, but I did - less than a day later.)

She made the haul out to see the Barn on a Saturday, to take notes and ask astute questions, and I feel so much better now. I mentioned lemons, she said to bring a knife and she'd chop them. I mentioned candles, she asked if I knew the burn time. Love that. It took her a matter of minutes to charm the socks off the Barn's manager, who tends to be... not charming.

I've held off on talking about most of my vendors until I see how it goes. I'd rather not mention them if it goes badly, you know. But Elizabeth already did half of her job - I feel relaxed and excited. Full of anticipation, like the name says.

Anyway, I'd like to do something nice for Elizabeth. If you were my day of coordinator, what sort of gesture of appreciation would make you forget the five-page e-mail?

2009-08-27T19:42:00.003-05:00

Yesterday the project that has been slowly killing my soul for two years (but especially the last two months) finally wrapped. Reports signed, party attended, files archived.

It worked out neatly at the 30 day mark - but I had nothing to do with that, I would have loved to have been clear of it a long time ago.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is - hey, internet! I've missed you! I have so much to tell you!

Kid B turns 21 and learns an important lesson

2009-08-22T11:50:00.006-05:00

Last night we celebrated Kid B's 21st birthday. He is a trusting kid - he left his Facebook open during the party. Bad move, Kid B! Several of us took advantage of the situation.
Fortunately he was too busy enjoying his birthday cake to be overly concerned. Happy birthday, Kid B! May you never again forget to close your browser!

DIY thank you cards

2009-08-19T20:37:00.006-05:00

About a month ago I made thank you cards. Lots and lots of them. With lined envelopes, of course. I love sending paper cards. Writing them feels a little decadent, and opening the mailbox to a pretty envelope makes my day. Some of my friends send wonderful mail, so I have a set standard already.
I again used the pewter design from our invitations, and a calligraphed "Thank You" drawn by my talented friend Amy. Then it occurred to me to snag our return address from our keepsake invitation envelope.

There's an easy trick to that kind of piracy: take a high-quality digital photo, as straight-on as you can. Then use any photo editing software to up the contrast and brightness until you have a clean image of the text. Amy didn't mind because it saved her a bit of (unpaid) work; don't assume your calligrapher will feel the same way! I definitely suggest asking permission first. A few Gocco screens and much embossing powder later, I was very excited about writing notes. Which made it easier to knock the shower ones out right away. There's a small trick to the embossing, too. Right after a Gocco press, shake embossing powder over the wet ink. Flick off the extra, and set it aside. When you run out of table space, fire up the embossing gun for the whole batch.

What did you do for thank you notes? Do you think it's impolite to print Thank You on the front? Some people do. You can say so, I don't mind - I'm still blissed over the calligraphy.

an odd set of angles and uneven sides

2009-08-15T14:07:00.000-05:00

Now and then I hesitate to share my favorite songs because I'm afraid that they'll become less mine. Then I remember that I'm not all that on the edge of things.

Aberfeldy - Love is an Arrow.

form over function

2009-08-14T17:57:00.004-05:00

We had to change a small piece of the plan this week. A while ago DJ asked our caterer if she could put together an iced tea and lemonade table to have out before the ceremony. We were thinking that in September (even late September) you never know what you'll get for weather, so a cold beverage might be nice. She's fantastic, always quick on the yes. So, yes. We can have a table of drinks, and she'd be happy to coordinate the rentals.

This is what I was thinking:

(shoestring home)

Or possibly this:

(style me pretty)

But! This is the type of container available for rent:

Full bride stop. Oh no, I said to DJ. That will never do. I'm such a snob lately. But really, I wouldn't want these for a party at my house either. Does that make it any better? Probably not. At any rate, we're working on a new, less insulated plan.

liberal conservative

2009-08-11T21:00:00.003-05:00

My mom thinks that I am too conservative. I am not sure how it happened, but it has. It's especially surprising because I was raised by conservative, religious parents. No jeans, skirts above the knee, or two piece swimsuits.

My mom would say that she really only needed a good pair of navy trousers, a pair of khaki pants, a black skirt, and various primary colored sweaters. She meant it, but the story her closets tell now is different. Vibrant and interesting. A strong shift in perspective.

Before my senior prom I secretly bought a pair of thong underwear, to avoid lines under my bias-cut dress. They were the granniest thong underwear possible. A full-coverage thong. My mom found it in my dresser and I thought it was the end of the world.

These days I wear two-piece swimsuits from time to time, often wear jeans, and hesitate about skirt length based mainly on my age, profession, and muscle tone. DJ and I live together and are not (yet) married. And my mother thinks that I am too conservative.

Which may be fair, since I don't go "out" often, wear turtleneck sweaters all winter, and don't mind the occasional grocery store ma'am. But all that was true ten years ago, too.

We are not relating well to each other right now. In the stages of life we are out of sync. Sometimes I wonder if we would get along well if she were the same now as she was then. Probably not. I’m too liberal for the mother of my teens, and too conservative for the mother of my twenties. There must have been a moment when the intersection was perfect, but it passed. I feel bad about that, too.

I feel bad

2009-08-07T20:26:00.004-05:00

I feel bad because I don’t really need these shiny wonderful gifts, but I really really want them. I would like to make a rule (arbitrary, of course) that any household with less than two full incomes may not give wedding presents with monetary value, because I feel bad.

I feel bad because after a hard-knocks sort of childhood, my mom is lavishing me with gifts. I don’t need gifts, but I am happy to have it all going in the right direction and the gifts are a tangible indicator. Still, I want her to spend money on herself and have the things she never had, so I feel bad.

I feel bad because everyone is buying new clothes because of the wedding. I want to tell them that it’s okay, they can come as they are. Of course they are excited and want to be shiny and new and they can make their own adult decisions. But I feel bad.

I feel bad because my single friends are celebrating my extraordinary luck in finding DJ. Which is great, it was amazing luck. But I already have the prize, and it would be okay to celebrate something that was not a line in the sand between us, so I feel bad.

Anyone else feel bad? I’m too cheap to pay for therapy at the moment, but some commiseration would be nice.

ladies' luncheon: bake me a cake!

2009-08-04T19:44:00.002-05:00

I have been making cookie dough and cakes and mashed potatoes with my old mixer. Actually, DJ makes the mashed potatoes. Our division of labor is usually based on talent, not fairness. His mashed potatoes are incredible. But I have a reputation for cake and cookies.
My mixer is a Sunbeam, probably from the late 60's. It came from a garage sale when I was setting up my first kitchen. The finish is wearing off the beaters a bit. It's been used a few times.
It's done a good job, but it's headed for the Goodwill. Because DJ's mom gave us the much-coveted Kitchen Aid. (DJ says mashedpotatoeswillbesomucheasierthaaaanksMOM!)
I love it. (Slightly less than I love DJ.) Everyone at the shower was shocked that I didn't already have one. Which I think means that I bake too much. Now, remember this! When I go for my dress fittings in September and it won't zip, this is what happened. Feel free to point and laugh.

ladies' luncheon: hostess gifts

2009-08-04T07:52:00.001-05:00

I put together a little thank you for each of my bridal shower hostesses. They wouldn't let me help with anything at all, so I went shopping. Each bag had Philosophy Red Velvet Cake shower gel, pink pomegranate soap, and two fancy chocolate bars. I wrote a note on paper left over from printing wedding invitations: Thank you for the sweet shower... Enjoy these sweets with your next shower! I know, not original. And cheesy. But like I'm always saying while shamelessly copying, the classics are the classics for a reason. Also, I think I'm addicted to lining envelopes. Is there a support group for this?

evidence

2009-08-03T19:38:00.002-05:00

Ladieeees. Not to belabor the point, but my sister sent over some pictures she took with her camera at the shower. And... hee.
Bloomers! See, I wouldn't lie to you.

ladies luncheon: great idea

2009-08-03T07:24:00.000-05:00

One of my shower gifts was so sweet and creative that I had to share.
On a stack of recipe cards that match my kitchen (it's the details, right?) were handwritten recipes along with stories of their significance.

"The Best Chocolate Cake" was an office treat - and surprise, low in fat! "First Dinner Apple Pie with Cheddar Cheese Crust" was dessert for the first dinner she cooked for her husband while they were dating. "Monk Bread" was a family favorite, from a monastery in New Mexico. "Crazy Conductor Cappucino Brownies" carry fond memories of a choral conductor. "Grandma's Sugar + Spice Cookies" look very much like my Grandma Julia's molasses cookie recipe - I will have to compare them side by side.

It's a sweet idea. A little ::something borrowed:: for my kitchen!

ladies' luncheon: memorable gifts

2009-08-02T15:47:00.004-05:00

You may remember that my mom wanted to give me lingerie "for the wedding night." After a short conversation with her it seemed like we were on the same page. Some kind of sweet nightgown or slip, time of actual wearing TBD. Like this:
So I wasn't surprised to open a box from her to find a pile of white silk.

Nightgown! More see-through than I'd like, especially to open in front of DJ's young cousins and my grandma - but, okay!

Robe! Ah, that addresses the see-through issue.

But wait, there's a second box. The card said "from Mamoo and Papa," my grandparents. Both gone for years now. My mom started to tear up, so I assumed that this was a deeply sentimental gift.

I'm a deeply sentimental girl. Lower lip quivering and all. So you can imagine my surprise to find...

Bloomers.

XL, transparent bloomers. What do you think about that, Julia?

(To be fair, XL is probably the correct size. For me. In BLOOMERS.)

Really. True story.

(All photos from my camera except the nightgown and bloomers. Source unknown for the nightgown. Bloomers here.)

ladies' luncheon

2009-08-02T09:13:00.008-05:00

DJ's mom hosted a bridal shower for me on a rainy Saturday, with help from my maid of honor and one bridesmaid.
Friends came! Quite a lot of them. 23, I think - but that number may have included me. The thing nobody warned me about (although I kind of knew) was that the generosity would be totally overwhelming.
DJ's mom, K, and M worked really hard. Party planning is a real job. They tied forks and napkins in turquoise tulle, and even matched M&M's to the color scheme. DJ's mom must have spent hours shopping and cooking, and M was everywhere. Carrying gifts, gathering plates and glasses, offering to refill punch cups - I don't think she sat down for hours.

K arranged roses and carnations in mason jars with raffia wraps, scattered around with candles in more mason jars. She baked white and strawberry cupcakes with white or pink frosting and tiny wedding bands on top. She even made a playlist of music she knew I'd like.

It was beautiful.

I felt incredibly lucky, even before we touched the giant pile of gifts in the hallway.

cliffhanger

2009-08-01T07:26:00.002-05:00

It's been a whirlwind week of boring, boring work- but today is my bridal shower. If no one shows up, I will of course let you know.

respond... please?

2009-07-24T20:37:00.005-05:00

A week of mail later, four response cards have made their way home. Some with messages, which is so fun! Thanks for playing along, friends!
DJ's parents were first, with a simple "We love you!" written on the back. (We love you too!) In the same batch of mail were friends of theirs, also a yes. Friday there were two more, both in haiku!

My older-younger brother, Kid A, wrote:
Pretty autumn fest
Friendly Reilly on a leash
Hide the cake and guests

(Because my surly dog is scared of people and will eat anything at all.) Well done, Kid A.

Our friends who are participating in the ceremony became our friends through the guys' love of strategic board games. In boy handwriting:
Like all his geek friends,
DJ is marrying a girl
Way out of his league.

Aww, thanks. But no, DJ is definitely getting the wrong end of this deal. He's marrying the kind of girl who likes to tell the internet about her mail haul.

I'm going to save these somehow, but I'm still thinking about exactly how. Any ideas?

time lapse cartography

2009-07-20T18:50:00.000-05:00

In November EAD held a DIY contest, and E. encouraged me to enter my invitations, still in progress. Oh sure, I said, If I finish them soon! E., I totally did not finish them soon. Ladies- (And gentlemen? If you include DJ and one brother) I finished printing the maps on July 17, the night before we mailed them. Expert procrastinator. Hey E., can I enter now??

Blurry in crucial places. Silly. Half of you know exactly where I live, but you know. The INTERNET.

They're a hot Gocco'ed mess of not-a-graphic-designer, but I'm pretty happy with how they came out. I had a fabulous time making them and they have all the pertinent information, so... success!

burying the lead

2009-07-19T00:20:00.005-05:00

On Saturday DJ and I went back to the place I lived when we started dating, to buy paper and lunch. Trivia: DJ had never eaten Pad Thai until I carted it across the suburbs from this restaurant, and now he's a convert. They also have watermelon freezes that are utterly worth the sugar buzz and treadmill penance. A few years ago DJ was helping me to repaint my single-girl apartment during a May heat wave, and we drank two each in a single day. Isn't it funny, the things that become fond memories?
Also, we mailed the wedding invitations today. I packaged, DJ sealed. (He washed his tongue first. Go on, laugh. I did.) I'd resigned myself to machine cancelling, because a) it doesn't really matter and b) it wasn't worth the PO fight. But the post office lady loved the envelopes and calligraphy, so I didn't say a thing when she started hand-cancelling.

It was hard to let them go. I am a saver and a keeper, so it was hard for me to hand over Amy's envelopes. Even if that was the whole point. Go on, laugh. I did.

check in, check out

2009-07-15T20:50:00.003-05:00

I don't know what to think about the guest book, as a concept. I'm a very visual person (have to see it, have to touch it) so I like things in writing, books, pictures, stuff. A guest book with pictures seems like the perfect place to write something nice - and bonus, it's there to read later. But it's also a lot of pressure, as a guest, to come up with the perfect thing to say after you've already exhausted yourself on the card.
So while I love the stuff aspect of our photo guestbook, I have to admit that I don't think our guests will care so much. For them it's the last trial before the bar.

Still, I am in love with the stuff, story of my closets. Silver tray from my grandma, picture frame from Kim, thrifted crystal frippery, Blurb book of engagement pictures (still needing library pockets), and library checkout cards for notes.

Do you feel differently about the guestbook as a guest than as a bride? Did you do anything to make it more interesting for your guests?

Julia Gets Her Comeuppance

2009-07-13T18:55:00.004-05:00

Some of you may remember way back at the beginning of the blog, when I decided not to choose dresses for my three bridesmaids. I made a bridesmaid lookbook and was so effing proud of myself for… something. Well, pride goeth before a bridal fail.

One of the dresses was this one. I thought it was a pretty good dress.

A few months went by, and my mom and I went dress shopping. She bought this one, in silver. I thought nothing of it, except that it was a pretty good dress!
At approximately the same moment, Bridesmaid C was looking at the lookbook and thinking she liked the first dress. For a minute I thought that would work, but neither one of them was thrilled about sharing the style. C graciously said she’d keep shopping, even though she would have been totally justified in grouching at me for creating confusion.

A few months went by, and I heard from Bridesmaid M that she’d bought a dress.
This one.
I’d apparently neglected to tell her about my mom. And C. M graciously said she’d keep shopping. So far no one has made a big deal out of my three-dress-pileup, but I'd deserve it if they did.

I think I get the thing about bridesmaids dresses now. You don't choose them so that they match. You choose them so you don’t have to ask anyone to return their dress because your mom is already wearing it.

On the other hand, if you’re looking for matching dresses, apparently that style is quite the winner!

(images from Dillards and Nordstrom)

oh, you shouldn't have!

2009-07-11T21:33:00.004-05:00

This invitation came, to my bridal shower. Which I am still nervous about.

But really, isn't that the nicest invitation for a shower? Entirely handmade by DJ's mom and my future sister in law. I know that you brides are noticing the rounded corners. Twelve per invitation, thumbs say ouch. Perfect color coordination, without stepping on the wedding invitations' toes. And the fonts, which are the same ones we used for the wedding invitations.

So, the invitation is awesome. I have a good dress to wear. Any tips on worrying less? I'm a semi-professional worrier, and the wedding stuff is getting the best of me.

somebody loved

2009-07-10T20:49:00.004-05:00

A package came this week, full of envelopes. Envelopes addressed by someone else, someone who took a great deal of effort to coordinate her lettering with one of the invitation fonts. Someone I miss very much, and her calligraphy makes me miss her and her husband more. They were my "college parents," bringing me chicken soup with matzo balls when I was sick and scolding me for bad boyfriend choices and inviting me to Jewish holidays even though I'm not at all Jewish. I miss them.

Time is love, and this took some time. The writing is delicious. I'm sure it was done with a nib and ink - you can see where it has depth. Yum.
Look at the whimsical swishes and flair! I don't write this way. This is more than good handwriting.

I'm trying to tell myself that they need to go in the mail. I mean, really. That was the whole point. But they're so pretty, I'd like to keep them all.

Captain Jack

2009-07-08T19:01:00.000-05:00

Last week DJ and I met with our officiant. Actually, we took our officiant and his wife out for sushi, since they're our friends. Our friend/officiant always reminds me vaguely of Captain Jack Harkness.
So, Captain Jack. We asked him to do the job partly because of his stage voice, but also because he and his wife seem to like being married.

He's really enthusiastic about officiating, which was surprising and awesome. He already had a tabbed file of ideas, sample ceremony orders, and instructions for obtaining a marriage license. After going through an online ordination process (type credit card, print certificate) he called the Lake County offices to find out what paperwork they needed to legally recognize him.

And... nothing. Apparently unless someone challenges his authority to perform weddings, it's all good. Even better, if at least one of the parties being married believes he has the authority, it's a valid marriage. Cool! I believe, I do.

Anyone else having a friend officiate? Any stories, advice, warnings?

tech unsavvy

2009-07-05T20:09:00.003-05:00

Today I learned how to access alt glyphs in Photoshop, but couldn't figure out how to make a grid. So I went back to MS Word. This document is directly ripping off any number of people who've encouraged their guests to share wedding snapshots, so it's not really worth explanation.

But, um. Does anyone know how to do a table in Photoshop CS? Or something that would work like a table? I'd still like to know.

trousseau

2009-07-05T10:07:00.000-05:00

The other day my mom asked if I had my wedding night lingerie yet.* She said when I found what I wanted, she'd like to buy it for me. To wear "in case of fire." Oh yes she did.

DJ said that he really didn't want to know what, if anything, my mom bought for our wedding night. I wasn't planning on letting my mom buy anything... but letting DJ fret about it is way too much fun.

So, if you were me, what would you want ::your mom:: to buy for you? Or, you know, not your mom.

(source) - not at all safe for work, but hilarious.

*I always feel like I ought to add "true story" to anything about my mom. Trust me, it's all true. Hi, mom!

sweet, hot, saucy

2009-07-03T20:30:00.004-05:00

I've been doing a lot of not-wedding-related stuff. Enjoying the lull before the big checkbook bleed in September. On Friday DJ and I met some friends at the Naperville Rib Fest for some not-wedding-dress-friendly barbeque.
This was half an hour after the gates opened. An hour later it was completely covered with people.

But it's worth it for the barbeque, served pretty much any way you could want it. Dry rubbed, sauce on the side, or swimming in it. Sweet, hot, or brain-searing.

Contemplating the possibility of another bite.
When I asked how much cash I should bring, DJ said that it's the man's place to buy the pork products. Which is a variety of sexism that I find entirely inoffensive.

moss escort card display

2009-06-27T12:58:00.008-05:00

I love when things turn out exactly as I had pictured them. This one was a little iffy, all the way until it was finished. It turned out much girlier than I anticipated, but so far DJ does not seem to mind. The moss and girliness makes me think of Frances Hodgson Burnett's The Secret Garden.

I ordered moss on eBay, with no idea what the color or texture might be - or even quantity. I'd recommend the seller I used, although he never did respond to my questions before buying. But it was delivered quickly and packed well.

Quick note on moss: I ordered the dyed green variety, and it is a perfect forest/hunter green. The natural moss would be better for a silvery or sage-y color scheme. It's hard to say exactly what the coverage of a box of moss is, but I used about 1/3 of a box for the bulletin board.

The base is a (thrifted!) bulletin board, the frame painted with pewter-y art paint. I attached the moss using little dots of hot glue. Not too many and not too close together, because I was afraid that too much glue would make it hard for the corsage pins to hold. The moss sort of sticks together on its own, so I didn't need a ton of glue.

That's one of the escord card envelopes, tacked on there with a pearl-headed corsage pin. I went a little embellishment crazy with silk flowers and ribbon. There's a trick to the flowers. Pop the heads off the stems, then insert the head of a sewing pin into the hole left by the stem. Instant flower on a pin. (Yes, I'm sort of embarrassed about the state of our dining/crafting table. I'm a terrible housekeeper.)

The whole thing is sitting on a 12" plate stand from Michaels. It's pretty stable, but if you're trying to fit more than 40 cards then two boards would be better.

room service

2009-06-26T10:16:00.001-05:00

Dear Kim,

You've been awfully trusting about letting us put you up in whatever hotel we choose. Especially since The Sticks don't have a ton of great options. No Mariott, no Hotel InterContinential.

Unless you count the Crowne Plaza, which is part of the IC Hotels group.

It has kind of a nice prairie-modern vibe going on, I think. I like the wannabe Frank Lloyd Wright stained glass.
Maybe a little too prairie in the color scheme, but that's nothing a little black-and-white can't fix.

Maybe I'm a little too prairie myself, but check out the texture on that fireplace. Very Brady Bunch homey, I like it. DJ was laughing at me for being critical of the unmatched urns. But really, you would not do that at home.Your room will look a lot like this. Possibly exactly like this. The suite where the girls are getting ready is the same, but with an extra room for sitting. We are very consistent here on the prairie, Kim. But I think you'll be comfortable, and if you're not - well, that's the thing about The Sticks. It's this or a tent in the woods.

Just three more months of this,
Julia

Cake, Dancing, Battleship

2009-06-25T20:17:00.005-05:00

I've mentioned that I get a thrill from considering the many different ways to arrive at married, right? Well, I get a more specific thrill from seeing different ways people have gotten married at our Barn.

A Practical Wedding has photos today from a familiar site but a snowier season.

I'm reposting the next picture with the full knowledge that once DJ sees it I am toast. You see, I'm a board gaming widow. A strategic board gaming widow. If the gaming boys get the idea this is possible, there could be trouble.

Particularly since one of them is the officiant.

al fresco birthday

2009-06-23T19:54:00.004-05:00

I had a birthday over the weekend. Maid of Honor Katie took me (with my mom and DJ) to Ravinia to see Pink Martini and Michael Feinstein.

The menu was incredible.

-Dark and Stormies (dark rum + ginger beer + lime wedge over ice: all to taste)

-Cocktail Caprese bites (basil + mozzarella + cherry tomato)

-Veggie bites (on toothpicks, to dip in hummus)

-Roasted tomato garlic cinnamon jam

-Chianti hard sausage

-Soft, wonderful wheat bread

-Cakes in jars (eight-yolk yellow cake + lemon curd filling + Swiss buttercream frosting)

My mom brought eight kinds of artisanal cheese. See that smile? That's what I'll look like when I'm ::mumblety::, more or less . This, I think, is why birthdays are still fun. Katie even brought candles for our cakes-in-jars.

You know how there's that vicious story about brides choosing ugly bridesmaids' dresses so they'll be the prettiest? That wouldn't work for me, Katie makes everything look good.

She also brings pink champagne with raspberries. It was divine.

I still worry about having parties where no one shows up. But, lesson learned, small parties with just the right people are the best.

generation gap

2009-06-12T21:31:00.003-05:00

A while ago
Me: Mom’s Best Friend, would you do a huge favor for me?
MBF: ??
Me: I don’t have anyone to fluff my train and veil right before I walk down the aisle. Would you mind?
MBF: Of course!

Somewhat later
Me: Weddingweddingwedding
Mom: Oh, MBF is so excited about being your fluffer!
Me: …

Recently
Me: So I was talking to my mom.
DJ: Oh? (sips beer)
Me: She says MBF is really excited about being my fluffer. (waits)
DJ: !!! (snorts beer and turns purple)

If You Threw a Party, Invited Everyone You Knew*

2009-06-09T20:21:00.003-05:00

DJ’s mom is hosting a shower for me in August, along with two bridesmaids. (The third is out of state and also planning a wedding, so definitely off the hook.) DJ's mom is really excited about it, mostly because she wants to use a set of girly luncheon dishes she bought some time ago but hasn’t had occasion to use. How cute is that? I love her.

BUT. She’s asking me for a guest list, and I am terrified. It’s not that I have no friends (I do, really.) It’s not that I’m stage shy of opening gifts in public (I am, but that’s not it.)

The thing is – my, this is embarrassing – once I threw a party and no one came. No one! I’m that girl. People said yes, no one showed.

That can’t happen twice to one person, right? Right? Let's not even get into my bachelorette/hen party fears.

* To the tune of Thank You For Being a Friend, also known as the Golden Girls' theme. No wonder no one showed?

a plate to cut a cake on*

2009-06-06T17:23:00.006-05:00

(also at EAD)

I figured out the cake stand after a little bit of thinking. There really don't seem to be commercially available 14"+ pedestal cake stands. Or there might be - feel free to link in the comments for others - but I couldn't find them. Only the silver ones with three or four little feet, which didn't really do it for me.

Cakes can go on other things that are not cake stands, right? I found this vintage 16" torte plate, in a pattern aptly named Princess Feather. At 16", it will show about an inch all the way around the 14" cake board.

Mmm, vintage pressed glass. Love. There's going to be a bit of pressed/cut glass around mixed in with the silverplate tea sets and pitchers, so it fits.

But I still wanted it to have some elevation, so I found a matching... thing, in the same pattern. Compote? Candy dish?
The underside of the lid is chipped, but that's fine with me. All I want is the base, to flip and use like a pedestal.
I didn't realize until this minute how dusty the compote is compared to the shiny torte plate. I'll shine it up, don't worry. But you get the idea. A little bit of silicone glue (like they use to seal fish tanks) and it will be ready to go.

DJ called the bakery to ask if they had a problem with this setup, and they said no. But if we end up catapulting the cake across the room while cutting it, you bet I'll share pictures.

*To the tune of A Kiss to Build a Dream On, of course.

stop motion wedding invitation

2009-06-03T18:49:00.002-05:00

Most creative wedding invitation ever. Found by Harriet the Spy.

the Indiana engagement session

2009-06-03T07:02:00.000-05:00

My disc of engagement photos from Bow Tie Photography has some good stuff on it. Some of it is "ooh, cool picture" and some "I'm so glad she caught that moment."

Kim did this without a tripod, standing in the middle of the street. It's three shots, layered. She also replaced the marquee text with our wedding date. Maybe I'm easily impressed, but - I'm impressed.

The next one is Kim's brainchild as well. When I wrote that DJ and I are bookish, the scanned candid gave her an idea for something more posed and formal. Do something cute, she said. And so I tried.

Ah, the mannequins. We had such fun with them. Two guys in a pickup truck pulled over to watch the action but never approached us to ask questions. I cracked Kim up by pointing out that they will never know.
We drank a little wine in the pretty meadow. I checked to see if DJ was drinking, and ::snap:: Kim caught it. Then he kissed me, and ::snap:: Kim caught it.I wasn't really aware that she was taking these, at the fence. DJ and I were talking about stuff, as we generally do. So we have these pictures of us being us, which couldn't be better. I am a ham. That's the only explanation for this action. Kim spied the blue doors, and the horsing around that followed created some of my favorite pictures of the day. Love the neat symmetry of the 105 and 105 1/2. Where's my other half? Oh, there you are.But if we're playing favorites, this is it. See the way DJ is looking at me? See how smug I am about it? Yeah, I am. So there's a pretty good recap of the day. Before we took these pictures I was afraid of feeling awkward in front of a camera, or getting a whole stack of wedding proofs back this fall and not looking as cute as I was feeling at the moment.
I'm not at all worried about that now. Kim (and probably any experienced photographer) has a chatty patter that was relaxing and fun, and she is magic with the retouching.

lessons learned

2009-06-02T20:49:00.005-05:00

I've been perusing the disc of photos from the Indiana engagement session (more soon), and I have an opinion. There are tons of "how to save money" tips out there to tell you that you can hire someone inexperienced for half the money. They're just pictures, after all. A while ago I might have even agreed with that.

(photos by Bow Tie Photography unless otherwise indicated)

When DJ and I were in Las Vegas last year, I gave that a try. Just to see, because I'm a research-the-options kind of girl. We hired a newbie photog for dead cheap, and she was very nice. But not a pro. She was late. She couldn't tell us how to pose, where to go, what to do to be interesting. We got some nice portraits, but I wouldn't have wanted her to shoot our wedding. Even if it would have cost half.

(taken by the Las Vegas student)

Then we had the pro engagement session a month ago, and the difference was extraordinary. Are we paying Kim more? Yes. Should we be paying her even more? Yes. She's cheap now, if you're near Indianapolis and need a photographer, hurry up before she starts listening to me.* Just look at the difference in light between the last picture and this one.

Kim fixed my hair, moved my awkward hands, cracked jokes, teased DJ, and treated us to ice cream. She researched the location, ran with my ideas, and left me feeling great about myself. I think that these are things you learn with practice, along with lighting and framing and white balance. If you can find a pro on Craigslist, great. But not everyone with a big camera is a photographer. I guess it's worth the engagement session to find that out, if nothing else.

*Obligatory disclosure: Kim is my friend, but these are also my genuine experiences. I wouldn't have risked hiring a friend (and we did hire her, for the whole weekend, with money) if she hadn't been exactly who I wanted. I'm lucky to have talented friends, but it's business on both sides.

I can stop any time

2009-05-31T17:16:00.003-05:00

here

This one reminds me of the 1960's detachable trains, which I have always liked. I remember trying to replicate that look as a child, with sweatpants and a knit blanket. The effect wasn't quite as elegant as the object of my admiration.

his, mine, ours

2009-05-31T07:49:00.000-05:00

(also at EAD)

DJ and I have lived together for just over two years, since before we were engaged. When we were ready to move in together he was ready to buy. I was not. I was sort of adamantly against us owning property together before we were married, although I had no problem with living together unmarried. We’d recently seen friends of ours go through a breakup where there was joint property ownership, and I wouldn’t wish that trial on anyone. There are no laws to protect you if you aren’t married. If your mortgage partner doesn’t pay their share, guess what? You’re liable, and there’s no separation agreement to divide bills (in my state...)

So our condo is in DJ’s name only. Not because I thought we might break up, but because if we did that would be one less horrible thing to handle. We also shopped within “his” price range. If for any reason I weren’t paying the mortgage, he could swing it. If we’d broken up, I could have moved out without him selling or finding a roommate in a hurry. If living together had been awful, we’d have been heartbroken but not homeless. It’s also comforting in this job market that we could get by on one salary if necessary.

We’ve never treated it like “his” place, though. We’ve made improvements together to our home. But - I don’t have a renter’s agreement, which in a really ugly situation could be useful. DJ doesn’t have any legal right to charge me rent, nor do I have any legal right to live in our home. I also have no legal claim to any appreciation or reimbursement for any improvements we’ve made. Those were risks I was willing to take, but writing up a basic agreement for those things probably isn’t a bad idea.

speedy delivery

2009-05-28T19:02:00.004-05:00

Speaking of long engagements, look what came in the mail today! This is the CD of our Indiana engagement session with Bow Tie Photography. Which I have totally been calling Bowtie Photography all this time. Whoops.

By the way, DJ is not DJ's real name. But they do call him DJ at work. (Clarification in case anyone was worried that I was running around taking engagement pictures with someone other than DJ. Or nicknaming him here for cuteness, which I would never ever ever do.)

once upon a (long) time

2009-05-28T08:15:00.000-05:00

(also at EAD)

By the time DJ and I are married, we will have been engaged for 21 months. The reasons were:
- Financial
- I thrive on research and anticipation
- We preferred fall to spring or summer

So we are having a long-ish engagement. It’s been fun for us, partly because we already live together and so aren’t in a hurry to get married for that reason.

About two months ago one of my coworkers asked his girlfriend to marry him. They have set a date for the end of August, a full month before the end of my long-ish engagement. ::hilarity ensued:: Just this past weekend they signed their first contract, which makes me want to hire them a wedding planner, STAT.

But they seem totally happy about their timeframe. They’re a few years older and six years into their relationship, so I can understand why they didn’t swan around on wedding blogs for 21 months. I don’t know yet if I’ll rate an invitation, but I hope so. I expect all my feelings of romance to be at a high around then.

My absolute favorite thing about wedding planning has been seeing that there are so many ways to arrive at married. But I wonder. If you weren’t waiting to save money or pacify family members or buy peonies in season, what would be the ideal length of your engagement?

all the china in Anthropologie

2009-05-22T22:44:00.005-05:00

Several years ago I inherited my Grandma Julia's turquoise Fiestaware. She's been gone since I was six, but my mom curated her collections. The Fiestaware came to live with me when I lived in an airy 1900-ish third (really fourth) floor walk-up four blocks from Lake Michigan. I had a terrible boyfriend and no money at all, but I had a fantastic apartment for which I paid very little.

The shortcoming of my grandma's collection was bowls. There weren't any. Two large enough for ice cream, but not oatmeal. On a shopping trip where I spent no money (there were many of those) I found Anthropologie's latte bowls. The light blue color was so nice with the Fiestaware, and the size was so perfect.

I didn't buy them, of course. I was shopping on air. Over time things changed, as they do. I did not and do not have money, but I could certainly have afforded $24 of latte bowls. Still, I did not buy them.

It's been three years. No one has bought me $24 of latte bowls. (Many generous people have bought me many dollars of other things, this is no poor-me.) DJ and I have griped over and over that the bowls we have are not the right size, not the right shape. Generally not right. But I still didn't buy the latte bowls. I don't know why.

Last week Anthropologie put my bowls on sale, discontinuing the color. I finally bought them. Six for using, two for breaking. I suppose the time was right. Now I live in a 1970's condo much closer to work - with a dog, two cats, and a guy who brings me sorbet. I ate the sorbet straight from the carton. A bowl would have been more civilized.

Please feel free to draw your own parallels between the perfect bowls and the perfect guy. It's so obvious I can hardly stand it - knowing they were out there and doing nothing, having your new stuff work well with the stuff you bring into the relationship. Et cetera.

(Yes, I know that platter is upside down. I noticed and didn't fix it, just closed the door. Why else have cabinet doors?)

always wear sunscreen

2009-05-21T21:45:00.004-05:00

This morning I had a chunk cut out of my right forearm, to remove a mole that had started sneaking around and hiding text messages. ::I mean, acting suspicious.:: Just by the looks of what they got, it's almost certainly nothing to worry about, although it did take two stitches. Still: wear sunscreen, and clothing is the best SPF.

But that's not the point of my story. Yesterday I found out that Photographer Kim can make people skinnier. It's kind of amazing. I'd show you, but the example was not me and outing someone else's digital weight loss is not cool.

Anyway, when the doctor asked if I cared about a scar (which would limit his removal options) I didn't hesitate. Heck no, I don't care about a 1/2" scar. Kim can flip my left arm over to the right side and give me cut biceps while she's at it.

a veil(ed) question

2009-05-20T21:43:00.003-05:00

(Also at EAD - some of this is rehashed from earlier posts that were only published here.)

I need help, please. And not in a tell-me-about-a-time-when-you-felt-like-the-protagonist way. No, this time I really need help. Please?

I'm having trouble deciding on a veil, and I'm stuck. Part of the decision is already made – my mom cried when she saw me in a long (chapel) veil, and it’s very pretty with the dress.

But I want something more. Something puffy. Something like this. The bride designed it, and her mother in law made it. It has four pieces. I'm utterly in love with it. You can see more here and here.
Okay, it's huge. I would want mine somewhat less tall.

This one is maybe more wearable (for me.) This bride couldn't find what she wanted, so she made her own.
Each of these girls is wearing her pouf with a longer veil, which is what I would do. I might set the pouf a bit lower on my head, but still. You get the idea – there would be pouf. I would also probably ditch the long veil for the reception, but keep the pouf.

So here's where I'm not sure. They are both wearing narrow mermaid dresses. My dress is a-line. Would there be just to much volume if I wore a big veil with a not-straight skirt?

Of course, I also promised not to show the dress to the whole world, which makes the question more general than I'd like. Any thoughts on wearing a puffy veil with an a-line dress?

more pouf

2009-05-17T21:39:00.002-05:00

Found here. Along the same lines as this one, but more wearable for me.

In real life I have naturally big hair. I like it that way. It seems like a big veil is just the wedding day equivalent, right? I'm so talking myself into it.

the usual, please

2009-05-16T15:21:00.005-05:00

I have a good relationship with my hairstylist. I should, she's been tending to my head for twelve years. My hair is really thick and everything from straight to curly. It's kind of a challenge, but she's used to it. These days I just flop into the chair and say "the usual" and we spend the next hour catching up. The funny thing is, she's managed to switch things up without me knowing, so I don't actually have the same hairstyle I did twelve years ago. But I always like it. It's nice when someone knows you that well.

So we've been talking about wedding hair. I do have some ideas, and I've saved some pictures of things I like, but really - I might as well flop into the chair and tell her "the usual," because what I want is classic wedding hair. Off my neck, but low. Some texture, but humidity-proof. Swept back, but loose. You know. The usual.

Our practice run isn't until the week before the wedding, so the length and color will be as close to the same as possible. Despite my best efforts at getting things out of the way early, September is getting busy. How far in advance are you scheduling your hair trial?

cake, continued

2009-05-10T20:08:00.000-05:00

(also at EAD)

There’s a French restaurant near where DJ and I live. We’ve been there several times to celebrate a birthday or a holiday, and I always order dessert. I haven’t taken a picture, always too busy scarfing down the delicious pomegranate mousse on a thin brownie crust. You'll just have to trust me - their desserts, like everything else on the menu, come beautifully presented. The pomegranate mousse arrived with a dainty crown of spun caramelized sugar, filled with fruit.

Like this, but larger and more delicate. Wouldn't it be great as a cake topper, filled with flowers?

I thought it was a neat trick, but surely any pastry shop could make one. Not so! The cakery demurred, having never done anything like it before. A series of searches online turned up… me, looking for a spun sugar crown. I did find lots of helpful tips for making spun sugar (curliques, fluff, nests). But everything I read tells me that the caramelized sugar is fragile and needs to be prepared no more than a day or so in advance. Between cookie baking and flower arranging I don’t think I’ll have time to play with hot sugar.

So I called the restaurant, hat in hand, playing the bride card. The receptionist chuckled when I said I’d happily buy a dessert to obtain the crown. I’ll have Chef Michael call you back, she said. He did - totally on board with this pushy bride - to ask about size and color.

It’s a tiny little detail to be so thrilling. But it’s just the sort of thing that makes wedding planning fun.

raspberry sorbet

2009-05-10T20:07:00.003-05:00

Today I was feeling kind of congested and crappy, so I missed going out to dinner with DJ and his mom. He came home with raspberry sorbet and a bride magazine. You're the best boyfriend ever, I told him. No, he corrected, Best fiancé ever. Then he brought me a spoon.

Not that he's gunning for points or anything.

just one more bite

2009-05-10T14:46:00.001-05:00

(also at EAD)

Yesterday DJ and I had our cake tasting. I meant to take pictures of the actual cake tasting, but. Um. I was apparently too busy shoving cake into my cake-hole. We were expecting tiny chunks of cake, so we asked to try five (our of probably 10) flavors. They brought five full pieces to each of us. We didn't even need to share! It was heaven, and I had a small stroke over the little tubs of fillings.

Our cake will be three layers (8", 10", 12"), frosted in tasty buttercream. Red velvet with vanilla filling for the bottom layer, and yellow with Bavarian cream for the top two. The yellow cake was shockingly tasty. I was expecting something like a boxed mix, and was very pleasantly surprised.
I had all kinds of ideas for decoration, but was feeling lazy at decision time. So I just asked for a copy of this cake. The picture above is actually a photo of an ad I ripped from Bon Appetit early last year. I liked that it was a) not fondant b) monochromatic c) just a tad precious.

Now I need to find a 14" footed cake stand. Something tells me this won't be easy.

save a horse, ride a Schwinn bike

2009-05-08T19:52:00.005-05:00

I biked to work this morning. 19 hilly miles, one way. It's a thing I do now and then when the weather is nice and I feel energetic.
I meant to ride 19 miles the other way too, but after just a few miles I found this shiny piece of glass.
It's pretty, but I think I'd like it better somewhere other than lodged in my rear tire.

I called DJ, who drove to rescue me and my gimp bike. While waiting for him I took pictures of the sky, which was doing the wonderful midwestern thing that is best described as lowering.

It is good to go places under my own steam, and very good to have the option of rescue.

how it is

2009-05-07T21:44:00.003-05:00

Today was my dog's second birthday.

We had steak.

He gets the bones.

the bride's side

2009-05-07T11:00:00.000-05:00

(also at EAD)

I’m not inviting my dad to the wedding. Let alone having him walk me down an aisle. He’s alive, well, and lives two miles away. But if he shows up uninvited, the ushers are also bouncers.

He was by all appearances a good dad. He went to work five days a week, church on Sundays, and seemed perfectly normal. Unless you lived with him, and then it was no good at all.

When I was in college, circumstances changed and it seemed worth another chance. Which did not go all that well. So I changed a few more things and for some time we maintained the kind of Christmas and Thanksgiving relationship that sort of gets you out of being a complete orphan.

Two years ago DJ and I moved in together, and three months after that my dad failed again, this time with my little brother. He was eighteen at the time, so when my dad called to tell me that the kid was homeless, I was absolutely concerned. Crying in frustration and anger, concerned.

But really, this isn’t a story about my dad at all, or even my brother. It’s about DJ. He handed me a Red Stripe and asked what we could do. We. What we did was bring my brother to live with us, and for a year and a half DJ was as generous as he would have been with his own brother. Maybe more. More than anyone would have expected. It was enough to get my brother on his feet, with savings and a plan and (still) a key to our house. DJ has never once made anyone feel bad about this; it was just the thing to do and we did it.

My dad, by the way, has never admitted the utter crappiness of his actions. Or thanked either of us for pinch-hitting as parents, to the possible detriment of our relationship. (We were actually pretty good, and our relationship hasn’t seemed to suffer.) So my dad is out of chances. DJ is very diplomatic. If there are sides, he is always on mine. I know he thinks the current plan in the best one, but if I changed my mind he’d support that too.

That “for better or for worse” thing is no joke. Things can get worse and worse and worse, until you can’t remember when things were better. It’s really good to have someone to hand you a Red Stripe and get to work on a solution. It’s really good to be on the same team.

couple of the year

2009-05-04T22:27:00.004-05:00

Over the weekend DJ and I met Kim of Bowtie Photography for engagement photos. (Even though the engagement is well underway, might as well enjoy it while we can.) We met in a cute Indiana town (Plymouth), about halfway between us.

She posted this photo as a teaser. Wow. Welcome to my beautiful and slightly weird fairy tale! I love it.
That's what DJ and I look like now. All headless and plastic. But my, aren't we thin?

what I did on my spring vacation

2009-04-28T22:02:00.003-05:00

Bridesmaid Chloe came to visit this weekend, in my newly painted and curtained guest room. I had Maid of Honor Katie move in too, even though she lives just a suburb or two away. It seemed easier that way, with all the accessories and hair products that needed sharing.

We got manicures and pedicures.

We went shopping. This is my great find - an ABS Allen Scwartz dress for $40, originally $228. Love you, Nordstrom's Rack. Belt from Target, recently purchased for $4.97. Can't beat that.

We also went to a club which ended up being unexpectedly eurotrashy and surreal. At least for me, but I was both a tad allergy-ill and the designated driver. So maybe my experience was atypical.

It was fun. The next time I see C. it will be September and she'll have a birthday and DJ and I will have a wedding. That will be fun too.

I never plan my outfits this far in advance

2009-04-21T20:25:00.007-05:00

I had a post all ready, but just before publish I realized that Bridesmaid Chloe is visiting this weekend (so excited!), and I might not have time to write Sunday's EAD post between now and then. So I cut and pasted and moved it over into the Sunday queue, and I suppose this is what happens with cheating. At first you think you can maintain both your relationships, then eventually you slip and give earrings to the wrong blog.

But then I realized that I do have something. In two weekends DJ and I are driving into Indiana to meet Kim. For DJ, this is his first time actually meeting Kim. She's going to take pictures of us, and I am going to try not to make stupid faces. A few days ago we were e-mailing back and forth about outfit ideas, and this was the winner in the Flirty Dress category. Casualwear is still to be determined, and I have no idea what DJ will wear.

We decided on the khaki wedges, by the way. And this cardigan in navy, for closeups and chilly weather and preppiness.

primp & preen

2009-04-19T09:20:00.001-05:00

The natural look is not all that natural. Everyone except DJ can check out my horrifying list of helpers at EAD today. DJ, I just look like this! It's amazing, right? Also, I have a bridge in Brooklyn...

oh, THAT color? really?

2009-04-18T16:19:00.004-05:00

Today DJ had a work thing, and I was invited. But I didn't really want to go, so instead I stayed home and shampooed our carpets. I practice avoidance/procrastination in odd ways.

I need to call my mom and ask her if this is her fault somehow.

The carpets really needed to be cleaned, though. I don't know if I should feel good (about cleaning them) or bad (about them needing it so badly.)

dresses and taxes

2009-04-16T10:36:00.003-05:00

On Tuesday I wrote a draft post for EAD about bridesmaids' dresses, to be published today. Last night I did my taxes. I have my priorities. You don't want to read my tax return (snore) but you might want to read the part about Bridesmaid C.'s rack.

tall and taller

2009-04-15T19:56:00.006-05:00

These are my brothers. Both younger, both taller. And that is saying a lot. We are a tall family.

They are going to walk me down the aisle. One on each side, like a hustle maneuver. I am counting on the broad comedy to keep me from sobbing my face off.

The left (younger) one lived with DJ and me for a while. He's a good kid, and although he lives practically across the street now I often miss him.

The right (older) one is graduating from college in a few weeks. He was home from school a few weeks ago and my mom found this teeny tiny bowtie he used to wear when he was a baby, which he obligingly modeled. Things are taller now.

I'm lucky to have them. I don't have much of a dad, and although I'm willing to walk myself I like it better this way.

float my boat

2009-04-14T20:08:00.003-05:00

I would like a dress with a matching canoe. I would wear my very puffy veil with it/them.

Macys does not have this sort of thing available on their registry page. I checked.

(via With This Nest)

bright like sunshine

2009-04-12T12:57:00.002-05:00

Today I am meeting my mom and great aunt for lunch, wearing the really bright green dress. It goes perfectly with my gold flats and vintage spring jacket, don't you think?
I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear you over my outfit.

more of me to love

2009-04-12T09:30:00.000-05:00

Starting today I'll be posting regularly at Elizabeth Anne Designs, twice a week! I won't be crossposting, so hop on over there too!

not to scale

2009-04-11T09:56:00.003-05:00

This is admirably clever.
It's twee, but aren't bridal showers meant to be twee? I like this much better than the toilet paper wedding dresses, for kind of the same effect.

dress up

2009-04-10T19:21:00.005-05:00

After work today I went to Banana Republic to try on this gray dress. Bridesmaid Chloe is rethinking the bridesmaid skirts for her wedding, and revisiting a controlled party dress free-for-all. Here's the dress on the model - cute, and potentially flattering to my particular waist to hip ratio.Here it is on me. Still cute from the front and the back. BUT. The side view was really terrible. I'd show you, but my mirror shot came out grainy. The pleating was poorly arranged and probably not good on anyone with hips over a size 2. Also, the fabric was kind of cheap feeling. So I didn't buy it.

I did buy this fun thing. It has pockets and was stupidly on sale. It totally does not go with my leopard print and patent ballet flats.

It really is that bright. Like a highlighter. Or a really vicious margarita. My favorite kind.

at least it's white

2009-04-07T21:13:00.003-05:00

This is my wedding binder. I understand that as a bride, I am obligated to have one. But I don't really use it. The contracts are stuffed in a folder over my desk, and most of my saved pictures are digital. I had to dust it off to take these pictures.
It's from Staples, and not even new. It used to go to Chem class with me in a previous life.

Now it holds ripped up bits of magazines and internet, leftover gold doilies (from luminaria) and stick on mustaches (being held for DJ.) It is, as Stephanie would say, shambly. I bet Meg would approve.

wedding data collection

2009-04-06T18:42:00.003-05:00

It is worth noting that actual empty, clean baby food jars cost practically nothing. Pennies, each. However, the shipping...

I'm in an abstract phase of projects and planning right now. For one, it's mostly projects. For another, the projects are sublime: Buy baby food jars. Paint a perfectly good mailbox "pewter." (Is that even a color?) Hem seven yards of muslin so it can be called a tablecloth, for the exclusive-to-weddings "head table."

Eventually I will photograph all of these things, and at some point they may even make sense outside of my head. But in month -5 it's all abstract.

and they all lived happily ever after

2009-04-02T19:56:00.005-05:00

There isn’t going to be a denouement to the dress story, LPC. I can’t show you the dress, at least not for about six months. Part of the deal is that I’m to be more traditional about The Dress than I had been previously, and DJ reads this blog now and then.

(via Peonies and Polaroids)

But I can show you this awesome photo of a veil, which really has no relationship to my dress whatsoever. I would like to wear a veil that big, but maybe not for the eventual wedding. Maybe just around the house and to the grocery store.

the girl who turned down Vera Wang, part 3

2009-04-02T07:53:00.005-05:00

The thing is, of course we found a dress or two at Vera Wang. I knew walking in that we would, because they are incredible. I also knew that a Vera Wang dress could buy a starter car for my college brother, a few months of rent when he gets started working, or a nice vacation. Or, you know, a dress for a day. I am too practical sometimes.

I’d feel differently if I knew the dress decision wouldn’t affect any of those possibilities; but it would, eventually. I really loved feeling like my mom thought I was worth a dress like that. But the more I thought about it, I didn't need the dress to go with the feeling. So I turned it down. Point: I turned down Vera Wang. I still can't believe I did that. Even so, I have to admit I wasn’t totally shut of the idea at that point. It lingered.

I woke up Sunday morning thinking about one of the dresses - the lace one. My mom and I had one more shop to visit, but the appointment wasn’t for ten days. After the Vera Wang window closed on Tuesday. I called my mom and told her I was still thinking, and maybe we could try to edge our way into the last shop before the window closed? To see if more options would help me decide?

Done, she said, I’m getting in the car. We called the shop, and they’d just had a cancellation. On the way, my mom showed me a sewing pattern and some sources for lace and fabric, with the idea that we could try to copy one of the Vera dresses if I was so set against buying one. We’re both pretty snappy seamstresses, but you can’t miss that part of that title is stress.

At the shop, we found armfuls of gowns to try.
This one made me feel very film noir-ish, but in a can't-sit-down way.
It did nice things for the parts of me that couldn't be seated, though.

But then-

But then - Somehow the perfect blend of what we liked about the two Veras, plus a little bit of fit-me-perfectly. My mom cried, and (usually these things don’t follow) everyone was happy.

the girl who turned down Vera Wang, part 2

2009-04-01T09:46:00.000-05:00

Even at 4:30, the Vera Wang girls put us right in a fitting room. Suite, they called it. Our consultant helped me in and out of dress after dress, and we did fall in love. Once, and then again. Finally we had two dresses left in the room. Similar shapes, but so different. (No photos at Vera, of course.)
One Alencon lace that hugged every curve in the most comfortable way. (Honestly? It looked better on me. The curves were helpful.)One filmy organza with a showstopping ruffled train. They put a veil on my head and my mom teared up, then went into the ugly cry. Standing in the mirror after a full day of lounging around in my skivvies between fabulous gowns, I had a soul quake. I had no idea this experience would affect my mom so much, or I would have done a few things differently from the start.

But I still hadn’t decided between the two dresses.

Our consultant was a sweetheart; after staying late and putting up with my dithering, she offered a trunk show discount, but only if we ordered by Tuesday – and we’d need to order by Tuesday to have it in time for the Eventual Wedding. So my mom and I went out to dinner – with my brother, if you want accuracy, but my brother wanted nothing to do with the dress decision.

At that point it was less a question of whether than which. But you already know from the title of the post how that ended.

the girl who turned down Vera Wang

2009-03-31T20:34:00.005-05:00

A handful of unexpected circumstances led to a second round of dress shopping. I still love the original Big Ivory Dress, but there was a big case against wearing it that I couldn’t ignore. So my mom, always the opportunist, took me dress shopping.

At the first store I tried on a gorgeous Amsale ballgown. I felt like a princess in it, and it had pockets. She became the first contender – at least until I looked at the pictures. Too much skirt, too much ribcage. I think DJ is going to buy the cow whether or not I... er... show him the milk for free.

Next we went to Jenny Yoo, home of the very simple silk dress. My mom went along with it because the fabrics are nice, but she was not that impressed. The line between very simple and not-bridal is thin. We both liked this one, but the ruching left me cold. That was the end of the day’s appointments, but we still had time to kill. Oh, my mom said, I always pass this adorable bridal shop. Let’s just walk by and see. Off we trotted to Oak Street under darkening skies. As we rounded the corner I recognized the gown in the second-floor window.

(source)

Mom, I said in horror, that is Vera Wang. She kept walking, throwing over her shoulder “Is that good?” Mom! This is like going to look at a litter of puppies. You’d have to be dead not to find a dress at Vera Wang!

But the skies were darkening and I hadn't found a dress, so up we went.

pintucked silk

2009-03-29T21:07:00.000-05:00

This dress makes me want daisychain crowns and Icarus sandals, with a spritz of some heady grandma perfume for drama.

The $248 price tag makes me think Garnet Hill is delusional.

shop girl

2009-03-27T19:53:00.003-05:00

Anyone need a sweet vintage-esque clutch with a little pink in it?

Currently on sale for $19.99, can't beat it.