Monday, August 31, 2009

more down than up

Liz asked how I am feeling as the wedding comes closer. Well, Liz. To be honest, this is not the easiest week. Saturday was the deadline for RSVP cards, and there were several disappointments. Several people I have considered dear friends never replied at all. Which has made me feel a little delusional about the state of those relationships.

(I realize that I may be taking it all too seriously. Don't worry, I am not doing anything about it. Compounding awkwardness is never the answer.)

We did hear from my grandma, finally, after five weeks of waiting. My estranged father's mother. We have been close in the past, until I stopped speaking to my father - although she did come to my bridal shower. For the wedding, she checked "decline." No note. I know exactly why, and it is a sad thing. All of it.

Things are still difficult with my mom. It's sad and embarassing, and I'm spending all kinds of time trying to schedule the wedding day so the difficulties won't be apparent to everyone else. Because I don't want to feel difficult and sad on my wedding day.

I'm having a hard time reconciling those relationship woes with the happiness and excitement of having rings, a marriage license, and exactly the right person for me. That's how I'm feeling.


Liz @ McFargan: A Midwestern Matrimony said...

You know the crazy thing about it all? It will probably work out just fine.

Not sure if this is some of your no-responses, but many of mine just assumed I would assume that they were coming. Hopefully when you call them (like you have time for THAT :) they will give you a good, solid answer and your worries will be a little relieved.

Weddings, while being joyful, can also bring up all sorts of negative emotions. My heart hurts that you have to deal with this as you approach the day. However, hopefully, when all is said and done you will be so glad that those who can be truly happy for you will be with you for your wedding. And that's not to say that relatives who can't make it aren't glad for you from afar. Sometimes proximity is the problem and keeps our hearts from being open.

I'm prayin' for you, my friend!

Abbie said...

I beat myself up about how things were going to work out with my mom's family and my dad's family and my sister's estranged husband, etc. Finally, when I mentioned something in passing to my mom, she responded that it wasn't about them... any of them. It was about me and J... that's it. Granted, no one wants to know that there are hurt feelings or disappointments... but it is what it is. During my wedding process, I realized who my true friends were and who I would rather let go once the festivities were over. It's sad that I sound so blase' about it all.... but it was extremely eye-opening to see who pulled through for us during the craziness and who fell off the map. My parents surprised me in the long run... and actually spoke to each other... calmly. It worked out, but man did I stress!

Anonymous said...

We had a lot of non-responders, some of them family members! Infuriating. Some showed up, some didn't. I find not responding to be incredibly rude and before the day, I told S. that if any non-repsonders showed up, we should withhold food and drink from them. I was only kind of kidding. Sigh.

Sorry the family stuff is rearing up again. Just try to remember that this is YOUR day and if people can't get put aside their petty b.s. for that, you probably don't want them there, anyway. The important thing is that guy who will be waiting for you at the altar. Everything else is peripheral.

LPC said...

You're making a new family. This will be your family of creation, not your family of origin. Your family of choice, not your family of obligation. It's hard. Good luck.

Harriet M. Welsch said...

Sorry about your grandmother. I was hopeful when I saw her at the shower. But besides the family issues, the non-responders are likely just to be disorganized. I made some calls to a few of ours. Most just didn't take note of the deadline. And many of them ended up coming.

Jenny.Lee said...

I'm sorry things are proving difficult with family. Hang in there. :)