Monday, August 31, 2009
(I realize that I may be taking it all too seriously. Don't worry, I am not doing anything about it. Compounding awkwardness is never the answer.)
We did hear from my grandma, finally, after five weeks of waiting. My estranged father's mother. We have been close in the past, until I stopped speaking to my father - although she did come to my bridal shower. For the wedding, she checked "decline." No note. I know exactly why, and it is a sad thing. All of it.
Things are still difficult with my mom. It's sad and embarassing, and I'm spending all kinds of time trying to schedule the wedding day so the difficulties won't be apparent to everyone else. Because I don't want to feel difficult and sad on my wedding day.
I'm having a hard time reconciling those relationship woes with the happiness and excitement of having rings, a marriage license, and exactly the right person for me. That's how I'm feeling.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A few weeks ago DJ's mom (who early on volunteered to coordinate the day) admitted that she was worried. Worried that she wouldn't be able to see the ceremony from inside the barn. Our ceremony is (knock on wood) outdoors. DJ's mom. This was not okay! Our wedding was turning into a Cindermama situation, which is a lousy way to start with the in-laws.
Fortunately I'd been talking to Elizabeth of Anticipation Events in Chicago. The first thing I knew about her was that she writes a really friendly, professional e-mail. The second thing was that her resume is impressive. I mean, really impressive. Don't take my word for it, go look. I'm sure it's true, she also gave me references. References. She's done some big stuff, my little wedding is not going to be any challenge. (Although I did send her a five page document of instructions. I was honestly surprised to hear from her after that, but I did - less than a day later.)
She made the haul out to see the Barn on a Saturday, to take notes and ask astute questions, and I feel so much better now. I mentioned lemons, she said to bring a knife and she'd chop them. I mentioned candles, she asked if I knew the burn time. Love that. It took her a matter of minutes to charm the socks off the Barn's manager, who tends to be... not charming.
I've held off on talking about most of my vendors until I see how it goes. I'd rather not mention them if it goes badly, you know. But Elizabeth already did half of her job - I feel relaxed and excited. Full of anticipation, like the name says.
Anyway, I'd like to do something nice for Elizabeth. If you were my day of coordinator, what sort of gesture of appreciation would make you forget the five-page e-mail?
It worked out neatly at the 30 day mark - but I had nothing to do with that, I would have loved to have been clear of it a long time ago.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is - hey, internet! I've missed you! I have so much to tell you!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Fortunately he was too busy enjoying his birthday cake to be overly concerned. Happy birthday, Kid B! May you never again forget to close your browser!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I again used the pewter design from our invitations, and a calligraphed "Thank You" drawn by my talented friend Amy. Then it occurred to me to snag our return address from our keepsake invitation envelope.
There's an easy trick to that kind of piracy: take a high-quality digital photo, as straight-on as you can. Then use any photo editing software to up the contrast and brightness until you have a clean image of the text. Amy didn't mind because it saved her a bit of (unpaid) work; don't assume your calligrapher will feel the same way! I definitely suggest asking permission first. A few Gocco screens and much embossing powder later, I was very excited about writing notes. Which made it easier to knock the shower ones out right away. There's a small trick to the embossing, too. Right after a Gocco press, shake embossing powder over the wet ink. Flick off the extra, and set it aside. When you run out of table space, fire up the embossing gun for the whole batch.
What did you do for thank you notes? Do you think it's impolite to print Thank You on the front? Some people do. You can say so, I don't mind - I'm still blissed over the calligraphy.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
This is what I was thinking:
But! This is the type of container available for rent:
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
My mom thinks that I am too conservative. I am not sure how it happened, but it has. It's especially surprising because I was raised by conservative, religious parents. No jeans, skirts above the knee, or two piece swimsuits.
My mom would say that she really only needed a good pair of navy trousers, a pair of khaki pants, a black skirt, and various primary colored sweaters. She meant it, but the story her closets tell now is different. Vibrant and interesting. A strong shift in perspective.
Before my senior prom I secretly bought a pair of thong underwear, to avoid lines under my bias-cut dress. They were the granniest thong underwear possible. A full-coverage thong. My mom found it in my dresser and I thought it was the end of the world.
These days I wear two-piece swimsuits from time to time, often wear jeans, and hesitate about skirt length based mainly on my age, profession, and muscle tone. DJ and I live together and are not (yet) married. And my mother thinks that I am too conservative.
Which may be fair, since I don't go "out" often, wear turtleneck sweaters all winter, and don't mind the occasional grocery store ma'am. But all that was true ten years ago, too.
We are not relating well to each other right now. In the stages of life we are out of sync. Sometimes I wonder if we would get along well if she were the same now as she was then. Probably not. I’m too liberal for the mother of my teens, and too conservative for the mother of my twenties. There must have been a moment when the intersection was perfect, but it passed. I feel bad about that, too.
Friday, August 7, 2009
I feel bad because after a hard-knocks sort of childhood, my mom is lavishing me with gifts. I don’t need gifts, but I am happy to have it all going in the right direction and the gifts are a tangible indicator. Still, I want her to spend money on herself and have the things she never had, so I feel bad.
I feel bad because everyone is buying new clothes because of the wedding. I want to tell them that it’s okay, they can come as they are. Of course they are excited and want to be shiny and new and they can make their own adult decisions. But I feel bad.
I feel bad because my single friends are celebrating my extraordinary luck in finding DJ. Which is great, it was amazing luck. But I already have the prize, and it would be okay to celebrate something that was not a line in the sand between us, so I feel bad.
Anyone else feel bad? I’m too cheap to pay for therapy at the moment, but some commiseration would be nice.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
My mixer is a Sunbeam, probably from the late 60's. It came from a garage sale when I was setting up my first kitchen. The finish is wearing off the beaters a bit. It's been used a few times.
It's done a good job, but it's headed for the Goodwill. Because DJ's mom gave us the much-coveted Kitchen Aid. (DJ says mashedpotatoeswillbesomucheasierthaaaanksMOM!)
I love it. (Slightly less than I love DJ.) Everyone at the shower was shocked that I didn't already have one. Which I think means that I bake too much. Now, remember this! When I go for my dress fittings in September and it won't zip, this is what happened. Feel free to point and laugh.
Monday, August 3, 2009
One of my shower gifts was so sweet and creative that I had to share.
On a stack of recipe cards that match my kitchen (it's the details, right?) were handwritten recipes along with stories of their significance.
"The Best Chocolate Cake" was an office treat - and surprise, low in fat! "First Dinner Apple Pie with Cheddar Cheese Crust" was dessert for the first dinner she cooked for her husband while they were dating. "Monk Bread" was a family favorite, from a monastery in New Mexico. "Crazy Conductor Cappucino Brownies" carry fond memories of a choral conductor. "Grandma's Sugar + Spice Cookies" look very much like my Grandma Julia's molasses cookie recipe - I will have to compare them side by side.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
So I wasn't surprised to open a box from her to find a pile of white silk.
Friends came! Quite a lot of them. 23, I think - but that number may have included me. The thing nobody warned me about (although I kind of knew) was that the generosity would be totally overwhelming.
DJ's mom, K, and M worked really hard. Party planning is a real job. They tied forks and napkins in turquoise tulle, and even matched M&M's to the color scheme. DJ's mom must have spent hours shopping and cooking, and M was everywhere. Carrying gifts, gathering plates and glasses, offering to refill punch cups - I don't think she sat down for hours.